NASA Escapees?????

"I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey." - The Criminologist from The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Well, here I am, one month away from my wedding and I should probably be doing something pertaining to the wedding but where is the fun in that? So I am back with a few recent stories from the bubble known as VU.

Almost two weeks ago, there was a concert in the Practice Gym where DJ Girl Talk played. Now the music wasn't too bad and I actually enjoyed some of it. Hell, I actually have one of his albums. I didn't buy it but I have it (gotta love the internet). Anyway, I digress. So I am working this concert along with some other guys clad in black. Now the concert hasn't even started when we encounter our first NASA escapee (missing rocket scientist?). I am standing outside the gym on the sidewalk running along 25th Ave when a group of students come walking by. Now I am not standing here alone but actually with two other officers. As this group of students walks by, one of them (the NASA escapee) yells to the others, "Hey, I'll be in there in a minute. I gotta p*ss!" He then turns and walks over to the wall of Memorial Gym, less than ten feet away from us, and proceeds to live up to his word. Now the three of us just look at each other in disbelief. How stupid can you be? I mean urinating in public ten feet away from three uniformed officers? Well, Paris goes over and stops him and asks him what he thinks he is doing. He says, "I had to go." Paris tells him he can't do that in public with everyone walking around and especially in front of us. His reply? "But I'm 21!" Like that makes a difference? Oh, your 21 so then its okay. My bad. I didn't mean to interrupt your flow. By all means please continue. B*TCH PLEASE!!!!! So Paris snatches him up and after several lies finds out that he is only 19. He issues him a cite and sends him back to where ever he came from. Hope he didn't pay much for the ticket because he never got the chance to even see the entrance to the concert.

This last weekend, Vandy played Ole Miss in football and afterward, I, along with four other officers, was out doing DUI traffic enforcement. We got a couple of them pretty early and then went through a few hours where we couldn't find a drunk. Well, about four a.m., we all meet on 21st and start turning in paperwork when I clock some knucklehead doing 40 mph. The problem with that is the speed limit is only 30. Anyway, Double D goes after him and gets him stopped at the Village. Guess what? Yep, our third DUI of the night. Double D calls for the Mexi-mo-an to come an video the SFSTs. Not long after that they call the Brain because he is the only one with a cage in his car. That's right, our latest contestant is getting an all expenses paid trip directly to jail. Well, as I clear a traffic stop and go to the Village to grab everyone's paperwork, I see this car start to turn right off 21st onto Pierce Ave. Normally this wouldn't have drawn my attention but this time it did. It may have something to do with the fact that when the driver started to turn, he was still 100 feet from the actual intersection. He bounced up on the curb and then back out into the street. He then turns onto Pierce and gets out of his car. As he is walking around the car, I pull up beside him. He opens his trunk and I ask him what he's doing? He staggers over to my clearly marked SUV and in very slurred speech says, "I have a flat so I am getting......uh.....I have a flat." I ask him if his flat could be because he ran onto the curb and he says, "Uh....I have a flat." So I tell him that I am gonna pull behind him so he doesn't get hit and he's like cool! So I pull behind him and turn on the blue flashy things and walk up next to him. He turns around and sees the lights and goes, "WOW!!!! Cool!!!!!" Get the feeling he could be drunk? I ask him to step over to the curb and explain that I can detect a strong odor of alcohol and ask him if he's had anything to drink. Now the usual answer is two beers or a couple. What does he tell me? Four beers and a shot. Hmmm. So I call the Mexi-mo-an over and tell him that dude is drunk. He asks dude if he has had anything to drink and the answer is four beers and two shots. What???? Sneaky little bastard must have snuck a shot in while I wasn't looking. Anyway, needless to say, he went the way of the previous three and headed to jail. Out of the four DUIs we got that night, three refused to submit to a breathalyzer and the one who did swore she hadn't been drinking. Her BAC ended up being .222. Almost three times the legal limit. Oh well, I look at them all as job security.

Well, I guess that is it for now. We have Reunion/Homecoming Weekend coming up in just over a week so I am sure I will have some more stories of those who have fallen victim to the vine or vat or bottle. So I will write more after then unless I find another NASA escapee before then.

"Its astounding. Time is... fleeting. Madness... takes its toll." - Riff Raff

Back again

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained." - Mark Twain

Well, it's been a while since I have posted anything here and it's not like I haven't had time. It's just that I haven't done it. Anyway, a lot has happened since my last posting but right now I can't seem to remember any of it. So this posting will probably be pretty boring.

The biggest thing that has happened with me since I last posted was my surprising diagnosis with diabetes. Back during the summer, I started not feeling real well. I was tired all of the time, suffered from an unquenchable thirst and very frequent trips to the bathroom. After a couple of months of this, I asked Sherry to talk to one of her doctors to see if they had an idea what might be wrong. She talked to Dr. Bloch who suggested it could be diabetes and I should go to the urgent care clinic and get blood work done as soon as possible. Well, I went to the clinic at Vandy and of course it was closed and had a sign in the window saying go to Occupational Health. So I went to Occ Health and of course they said they couldn't help me. They told me to try and get an appointment in the urgent care clinic in Med Center East. They in turn said they might be able to see me in three weeks or so. Hmmmmm..........let's examine that for a second. The URGENT CARE clinic MIGHT be able to see me in THREE WEEKS. Uh, excuse me, but exactly what constitutes as urgent with Vanderbilt? Anyway, I digress. So after realizing that the clinic was moving with glacier like speed, Sherry talked to Dr. Bloch who said to have their clinic run a full lab work up on me. This was on a Wednesday and I was off Thursday when the lab results came back. Thursday afternoon, I get a call from Sherry saying that Dr. Bloch and Dr. Wright had looked at my lab results and said I needed to get into the doctor ASAP. They tried to get me an appointment for Urgent Care again and this time the clinic said they could work me in on Monday. Dr. Wright told them that I may not make it that long because my blood sugar was sky high. Dr. Wright called a doctor who did his residency with her and told him the situation and he agreed to see me the next day, Friday, at 1 p.m. Well, I never made it that far. Friday morning, I woke up to get ready for work and felt really dizzy and lethargic. I got in the shower and the next thing I know I was waking up in the lying in the bottom of the shower with freezing cold water raining down on me. I have no idea how long I was there but it was long enough that all the hot water was gone. So I get out of the shower and start to get dressed. Here is where everything gets a little vague since I don't remember any of it. Apparently I called my boss and told him I wasn't coming in until my appointment. He later told me I sounded like I was pretty drunk when I talked to him. I also apparently called Sherry at work and left a voice mail saying the same thing. Well, she played the message for Dr. Wright. After Dr. Wright heard the message, she told Sherry to get me to the Emergency Room now because I was really in trouble. Well, Sherry called Darlene and told her what was happening. Darlene left work, picked up Sherry and they came to get me. They kept calling but couldn't get an answer. When they got to the house they found me unconscious laying half on the floor and half on the couch. Somehow they managed to carry me to the car and rushed me to Vandy's ER. I avaguely remember getting out of the shower and the next thing I know I am in the ED with some doctor in my face asking me questions. So I spent 30 hours in the hospital having all kind of tests run on me. They ran an EKG, an EEG, MRI, CT and all kinds of blood work. When it was all said and done, they came back and told me that I was confirmed with Adult Onset Type II Diabetes. My blood sugar was 384 (normal is 70-110) and my blood A1C level was 12.2 (normal is 4.5-7). So they put me on meds and told me to see my doctor. Well, I saw my doctor three days later and he confirmed the diagnosis from the ED. I told him of the things that I had been doing since being discharged (changing my diet, reading and educating myself on diabetes, etc.) and he told me that I was doing exactly what I should be. Right now I can control it with diet and medication and luckily I don't have to take insulin yet. He told me that I can probably do this for at least the next ten years but I will eventually have to take the shots (unless they cure it). He also put me on a couple of other meds to help protect my body. Now I take Metformin and Glypizide for the diabetes. Simvastatin for triglycerides (even though mine are normal, he said the diabetes and meds can affect them) and Linosipril for high blood pressure (though mine is normal). The last two meds are also to protect my kidneys from the diabetes. It's been a struggle changing my lifestyle to combat the diabetes but it is working. I have lost almost 22 pounds and on my last doctor's visit, he told me I could be the poster child for diabetes because I am doing so well. He said that if all his diabetic patients were doing so well, it would make his life and theirs a lot easier. He said he hoped to see a small decline in my A1C level (which is a three month average) to let us know we were headed in the right direction. Well, after one month my A1C was down to 8.3. When the nurse told me that on the phone, my response was "Holy sh*t!" She said that was my doctor's response too. So I am doing well dealing with it for now but I will keep everyone updated.
Well, sorry to have bored you (if anyone actually reads this). I will start blogging more often and I promise that I will be back soon with some funny stuff. Until then, I will leave you with the following quote.

"We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe." - Johann Wolfgang van Goethe

Armadillos shouldn't play in traffic

The title pretty much says it all. When Armadillos start playing in traffic they get run over. This time the Armadillo tried to go one way, then tried to go another way and then ended up getting run over. That's what happens when you start believing all the lies that you have been telling everyone. Some Armadillos grow old with years of experience. Some, like the one pictured, end up as roadkill because they try to act like they have years of experience on the highway but in reality they only have 14 months of experience before they took to the roads here. Then after they get caught in traffic and get run over, they try to make everyone think they got shot. Sort of like quitting a job but telling everyone you got fired. Oh well, sucks for him. After all, we all know that an Armadillo is just a opossum with body armor. No more Opossum, no more Armadillo, no more BS!!

The Tao of Po (or The Real Kung Fu Panda)

Well, it has been a while since I last posted but to tell the truth, I just haven't had a lot to talk about lately. Other than working, not a lot has gone on around here. The only thing I have had to talk about is the subject of this post and it actually happened a couple of weeks ago. Double D, Fish. JoJo and I all went golfing. Everything was going about normal, except for JoJo breaking his driver teeing off on the 5th hole, and we were having a pretty fun time. We get to the 12th hole and Fish tees off. Now the 12th hole is relatively straight with a few trees to your left between the fairways of 11 and 12. Well, Fish manages to hit his drive straight at these trees and the ball hits the top of one of them. None of us see it kick out or come down and we all start laughing at Fish. I tell him that he is gonna look awfully funny trying to climb up the tree to get his ball. I told him he would look like a giant koala bear. That's when JoJo chimed in and said that he would look more like a giant panda. That's when Fish screwed up. He turned around and said, "That's Kung Fu Panda." We were like, "Kung fu panda?" Fish says, "Yeah, cuz I got ninja skills!" Aww hell nawww!!!!!!!!! That's all it took. I immediately grabbed my phone and text everyone to let them know that Fish's new nickname is Kung Fu Panda. Double D told him to wait until work because they were gonna give him hell which they did. Of course, I helped out a little by hanging up little flyers around the office. Oh well, he should have known better. LOL!!!!!!
I guess that's really all for now. I'm gonna get off here and go watch True Blood on HBO. Later!

Oompa Loompa?

I thought I would try this and see how it goes.

Powered by Podbean.com

SECLA - The Final Chapter

Well, the journey is over. SECLA has come and gone and I can definitely say that I am glad. It wasn't all bad because I made several new friends and learned a lot from them. But as far as being gone from home one week a month for seven months, I am glad to be done with it. I've already told you some of how the final week went so here are the highlights from the last couple of days.

Wednesday night, a group of us decided to take a road trip and go eat at a restaurant called Pappadeux's in Marietta, GA. So we all jumped in cars and headed out. When we got there, we had a blast. Pappadeux's calls itself a Seafood Kitchen and boy is it ever. They specialize in fresh Gulf seafood and cajun specialities. We started out with appetizers where Viv ordered crab fingers, Charles ordered Boudin and I had the alligator. The crab fingers were the small crab legs with the meat attached and breaded and deep fried. You used the claw shell for a handle and it was delicious. The boudin was a rice and crab stuffed andouille sausage and it was ok. The alligator I had was cut into chunks, breaded and deep fried. It came with a cajun dipping sauce that was out of this world. Next we were on to the entrees. Several people had smoked talapia, JoJo had Shrimp and Crawfish Etoufee, Orion had smoked mahi mahi and I had the Pasta Mardi Gras. My dish was fettucine in a creamy marinara with grilled shrimp, crawfish, andouille sausage and sauteed crimini mushrooms. Man it was good and I can't wait to go back. Here are a few pictures from Pappadeux's.
The next day we went in for an evaluation of the course, did a quick run-through of graduation and then we were done for the day. Back to the hotel and wait for the family to arrive. That night, the class and our families met at the local FOP lodge and had a dinner. Here are a few pictures from the dinner.The next day was the day we had all worked for over the last seven months, Graduation Day. We had well over a hundred people attend and it went pretty quickly but not quick enough. We had to wear our Command Uniforms and needless to say, we were not thrilled. Since I only wear this uniform about twice a year (if that) the shoes that go with it were killing my feet. You can tell in one of the pictures below because I'm glaring at the camera. Our Chief was the keynote speaker and actually delivered a good speech. It was about being a leader and at the end he challenged each of us by asking, "Are you ready to be a leader?" After the ceremony, we mingled for a few taking pictures then everyone headed for the house. Below are pics from Graduation.Well, I guess that's it for now. C-ya!!!!!!!!!

Click Click strikes again (twice)

Today we finished up our presentations for SECLA. Without a doubt, the worse one that was presented today was by Click Click. He got up and started talking about all sorts of topics that didn’t even come close to relating to each other. He jumped from one topic to another and showed no interest at all in what he was talking about. When he was done, he asked if there were any questions and a few people muttered, “What the hell was your presentation about?” Click Click seemed oblivious to any of this and actually thought he did a very good job. Yeah right and the Titanic captain thought there wouldn’t be any icebergs. Anyway, we finished up with the presentations about 1030 or so and the instructor told us to go to lunch and be back at 1:00 pm. Wow! Two and a half hours for lunch? Oh well, we didn’t complain. I went to the student cafeteria and got a chicken sandwich from Chik-fil-a and then went back to the classroom to watch Bangkok Dangerous on my laptop. About 1230 the rest of the class started drifting back into the classroom. That’s when I heard one of the most stupid things I have heard in a while. Click Click was talking with Coop about playing bowling on the Nintendo Wii. Coop said she loved it and really got into it when Click Click told her that since he had hard-wood floors he even put on his bowling shoes when he bowled on the Wii so it would be more realistic. When I heard him say that, I turned around and said, “You’re f#cking kidding me! You really put on your bowling shoes to play a video game?” He was like, “Yeah.” My only response was, “You’ve lost your damn mind.” I mean WTF? It’s a damn video game.

After that revelation, the class started back. This afternoon we had to listen to presentations by four of my classmates who are actually taking the class for grad school credit. They had to do a 20 minute presentation to the class on their final paper and then there presentation was dissected by a round-table discussion panel consisting of criminal justice department professors. The first person to present was Rick Trull who is the Chief at Arnold Air Force Base in Tullahoma. Rick’s presentation was Police Recruitment and Retention: Issues and Strategies. The next presenter was Charles Lowery who is a Lieutenant with Hamilton County Sheriff’s Department. Charles’ spoke about The Evolvement and Concept of a School Resource Officer Program. Our third presenter was Kirk Edison who is a Lieutenant with the Chattanooga Police Department and he spoke about The Costs of Intimate Partner Violence: A Case for Prevention. The final presenters were Lt. Angie Lewis and Captain Mike Berkes of the Germantown Police Department. Their presentation was on The History of Citizen Police Academies: Curriculums, Participants and Effectiveness. All of them did a very good job and gave very good presentations. You could tell they spent a lot of time on research and preparation and hopefully they will get a good grade on their work.